the history of one tough motherfucker

he came to the door one night wet thin beaten and
terrorized
a white cross-eyed tailless cat
I took him in and fed him and he stayed
grew to trust me until a friend drove up the driveway
and ran him over
I took what was left to a vet who said,”not much
chance…give him these pills…his backbone
is crushed, but is was crushed before and somehow
mended, if he lives he’ll never walk, look at
these x-rays, he’s been shot, look here, the pellets
are still there…also, he once had a tail, somebody
cut it off…”

I took the cat back, it was a hot summer, one of the
hottest in decades, I put him on the bathroom
floor, gave him water and pills, he wouldn’t eat, he
wouldn’t touch the water, I dipped my finger into it
and wet his mouth and I talked to him, I didn’t go any-
where, I put in a lot of bathroom time and talked to
him and gently touched him and he looked back at
me with those pale blue crossed eyes and as the days went
by he made his first move
dragging himself forward by his front legs
(the rear ones wouldn’t work)
he made it to the litter box
crawled over and in,
it was like the trumpet of possible victory
blowing in that bathroom and into the city, I
related to that cat–I’d had it bad, not that
bad but bad enough

one morning he got up, stood up, fell back down and
just looked at me.

“you can make it,” I said to him.

he kept trying, getting up falling down, finally
he walked a few steps, he was like a drunk, the
rear legs just didn’t want to do it and he fell again, rested,
then got up.

you know the rest: now he’s better than ever, cross-eyed
almost toothless, but the grace is back, and that look in
his eyes never left…

and now sometimes I’m interviewed, they want to hear about
life and literature and I get drunk and hold up my cross-eyed,
shot, runover de-tailed cat and I say,”look, look
at this!”

but they don’t understand, they say something like,”you
say you’ve been influenced by Celine?”

“no,” I hold the cat up,”by what happens, by
things like this, by this, by this!”

I shake the cat, hold him up in
the smoky and drunken light, he’s relaxed he knows…

it’s then that the interviews end
although I am proud sometimes when I see the pictures
later and there I am and there is the cat and we are photo-
graphed together.

he too knows it’s bullshit but that somehow it all helps.

On top of that, I kept wondering how in the hell this thing has gotten a reputation for realism? I get that the standards for authenticity aren’t real high in Hollywood, but I was having trouble not laughing out loud for the entire second half. Nor does it seem I’m alone in that assessment. Brian Mockenhaupt in the The Atlantic, Kate Hoit in The Huffington Post, and Michael Kamber in the New York Times have all rightfully beat the shit out of the movie for being silly.

What got on my nerves the most, though, was the Iraqi sidekick kid. He existed for no purpose that I could see other than to prove to us that James had a heart. That underneath all the bluster he cared for these poor Iraqis, that he wasn’t there to kill them but to save them. And I knew the minute the kid showed up that he was gonna be dead, and he was gonna be dead by the hands of insurgents, not Americans.

Could have been just me, but I found that as gross an example of turning reality on its head as I’ve seen since Rambo. Those million or so dead Iraqi civilians are ours to own. Not on of ‘em would be dead if we hadn’t started that illegal clusterfuck. Putting the only identified civilian casualty in the flick on the insurgents makes for feel-good Hollywood horseshit, sure, but it’s ugly, cheap, and stupid. That’s not to say that individual soldiers haven’t protected Iraqis, but that kind of Hollywood reductionism to good-guy, protective Americans and bad-guy, murderous insurgents is ahistorical, and borderline jingoistic.

Even worse, as symbols go, it’s as subtle as a sledgehammer. It’s just bad writing. The Iraqi insurgents sacrificing their youth to create body bombs? That’s the kind of horribly over-determined shit that should only exist in made-for-television movies and Hannah Montana episodes.

Anyway, not much of a fan. For a more considered post on the film’s failures, see The Valve.

Another commenter, 1st Lt L diablo, also proposes the following:

And never let them in your casa. Even if they have a warrant; make them break the door down (a former LEO told me that; I’m not kidding).

Seriously. Never even open the door for them; they can use any excuse to invent PC (Probable Cause) from sights, smells, noises they have access to once the door is open. Make them break it down.

I’ve never heard that one, but it also makes sense. The fact of the matter is that if they’re at your door, they’re looking for a reason to arrest somebody. And since it’s your house, it’ll probably be you. Not to be paranoid, but the less you give them to work with, the better.

#6: As soon as you encounter police, regardless of whether you used your firearm or not, exercise your right to silence, and request a lawyer. Immediately.

No exceptions.

I think that’s great advice. As this law professor puts it: never talk to the police.

Like the rest of the Bill of Rights, there’s a reason the Fifth Amendment exists. You can never, ever help yourself by talking to the police. You can only hurt yourself.

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Or Pocahontas overdubbed as Avatar.

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Still haven’t seen it. Still in no great hurry.

My favorites in recent Denver crime, mostly taken from West Denver Copwatch and ‘Til it Breaks.

• Denver police use family’s DNA to ID suspects.
• Police fire on stolen truck in Adams county, two dead.
• Band-Aid Bandit gettin busy.
• “High Country Bandits” still at large, one dozen robberies later.
• Fort Collins cop cars vandalized.
• Prisoner assaults screw in Limon.
• Five-time Denver bank robber on the loose.
• Denver ‘Portfolio Bandit’ has robbed 11 banks.
• Wheat Ridge cops: Suspect opened fire on officer.

The site also has lots of good information on Leonard Peltier’s case, for those who aren’t familiar with it. There aren’t a whole lot of clearer cases of the federal government breaking its own laws in the interest of arbitrary repression.

I’ve also been having some problems with reliability in my 1911. Specifically, its not been going fully into battery the last couple of trips. Pretty much all other problems have disappeared as I’ve passed the break-in period.

But then, this last trip, it started happening with my Glock as well.

I’d been chalking the problems up to horror stories about 1911 reliability, but I’ve never had problems with the Glock. So, I began to pay more careful attention to the individual rounds that were getting stuck. I started to notice a pattern. And then I found the following round, which was impossible to miss.

None of the other rounds were quite that extreme, but every one that caused a problem was shorter. Though I’m through with buying reloads, especially from Denver Bullets, it is nice to know that my 1911 is probably pretty reliable. I still want to put at least 500 rounds through it without a failure before I even think about carrying it, and that’ll take awhile on my budget, but I’m a lot more confident now.

• Black Hills, 124 grain +p
• Cor-Bon, 115 grain +p
• Cor-Bon DPX
• Cor-Bon Powrball
• Federal 9BPLE
• Federal Hydra-Shok, 135 grain
• Remington Golden Sabre
• Speer Gold Dots, 124 grain or heavier
• Ranger Lawman
• Winchester Silvertips

I also got this advice, from Firehand:

I seem to remember that Ayoob did a bunch of research, and in 9mm the most consistent one-shot stops came with 115-grain +p hollowpoints, brand didn’t seem to matter much as long as it was a premium-grade bullet like Gold Dot, Golden Sabre, Winchester Ranger, etc.

And this, from James himself, who points out that you have to shoot what you carry to be effective. And he recommends shooting at least fifty rounds a month of the ammunition you’re carrying, every month for a year.

What are the most significant factors of using a firearm for self defense? Reliability and shot placement.

The gun has to go bang. Do you have enough money to shoot off at least 50 of your chosen self defense load at the range to make sure that the gun likes it? One jam during the test and it probably isn’t the best load for your gun.

Shot placement. How do you place your bullets where they will do the most good? Practice! Regular practice!

I usually told my students that they should shoot at least fifty of their defensive rounds at the range, and then do it again every month for a year until they know where the point of aim will be with the chosen loads.

How much does premium hollowpoints cost, anyway? Average is a little bit more than $1.00 per bang, but some of them are more than $3.00 a round!

What do I recommend?

Winchester Silvertips. They work, but are distinctly unremarkable. Lots and lots of more effective choices available. But the cost is reasonable.

Being new to this, I hadn’t even considered the difference in point of aim. My thinking was that I’d just rotate my carry ammunition every three months and do all my practice with cheap hardball. Obviously, I can’t do that. So, I’ll be following James’ advice to the letter, and shooting at least fifty rounds a month of what I’m carrying.

Which means I have to find affordable ammunition.

So, I did a quick cruise of the local big-box stores that sell ammunition and are close enough to my house to be convenient — since whatever I choose has to be available and in stock for awhile. I stopped by Outdoor World, Gander Mountain, Gart Sports, and Sportsman’s Warehouse.

The selection for all of them was still spotty, at best. And what was available ran at least two dollars a round, which is well out of my price range.

Luckily, another commenter, Ludwig, left a link to the invaluable AmmoEngine, where you can price ammunition from multiple sources. So, I cruised through that, and then headed over to Cheaper Than Dirt. I found Federal 9BPLE, one of the choices recommended, for an incredible fifty cents a round (actually, a little less). That’s almost half the price of Winchester Silvertips.

I’m gonna poke around some to see if there’s something I’m missing about this particular brand of ammunition. If not, I think I’ve found what I’ll be shooting. At twenty dollars for a box of fifty, I can shoot a hundred rounds of this a month, on top of Winchester hardball.

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